The Cheese Pages

Parramatta sucks
Rouse Hill Town Centre sucks too
Queensland: fucking screwed

So in 12 hours I'll be boarding a plane to Rhode Island. See you all on the other side.

I hope you enjoy my livejournal
May it reign in glory eternal
But I write most I find
When drunk out of my mind
And in dire need of a urinal

If I could have been in any band of all time, it'd be Madness. Go watch any one of their music videos. Making things like that had to have been fun. I could do the walk. I'd play whatever instrument. All other bands look like drudgery compared to them.

I'm worried about the worldwide tissue shortage from the runny nose and sneezing pandemic.

Well since it was today, I'll have to celebrate it tomorrow. I think I'll run all the taps, dump coolant down the drainpipe, not put out my recycling, and visiting a laundromat to dry every one of my articles of clothing in separate dryers. Any other suggestions?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa( aaaaaaaaaaa... )

It was on another, now deleted journal about my day at work, killing bees and shit. Fun times.

I once said that the problem with American trucks is not that they use iron, steel and gas in ludicrous amounts, but that these amounts aren't enough. Driving a truck should be like steering a rolling economic boon down the streets. Parents letting out children to school should fear your rumble from miles away. Building should be evacuated if you roll through their parking lots.

Thanks to idiots on Wall St., you're not going to see anymore Fords being Built Tough. They're going to be 'built sensible'. Built bullshit, I say. The problem is that suburban braindead people have tried to turn the pickup truck into a family car. It is not for families. It is for men. Men who work, men who eat meat, men who farm, and men who just don't care. It should be used to haul earth, not haul children (unless it's a lot of them, for manual labor purposes).

So what Ford and GM need to do is reclaim the title of "truck". One seat in the cab, a bench. Fit as many people as you dare on it. Ideally made for a man and a dog. The rest of the length of the truck is devoted to engine (big as possible) and bed (big as possible). Use as many wheels as necessary. Parking spot fitting is optional. Home Depot has big enough lots! Where you're going, there's no white lines indicating where to stop. Mileage? Eat shit! POWER.

Dick Cheney's Free Range Terrorist Hunting Emporium!!
(b.y.o. face mask helmets...)


But seriously, dump them all in the sea.

Tomorrow is my last day of unemployment. Anyone want to hang out?

(haha, only one person actually can)

Considering I usually look something like this on 17th March:


and I hang out with a bunch of drunks, and pinching someone would be really really gay...no.

Being that I'm made of carbon, I would assume my carbon footprint would equal roughly a size 12. Of course, losers who complain about the trees say otherwise. I tracked down one of these websites to help me calculate. Being bastards, they won't let me brag here, cause there's no HTML code to copy this nice graphic. Luckily I'm a genius, and did it for you the hard way:



That's metric tonnes for all my USA readers (i think, either metric or UK tonnes, which are ridiculous and I refuse to convert. in USA tons it's 24.6, if that is metric.)

Normally people would be embarassed to have 8 more ton usage than the average members of their own country. I deem this a work of art, and I didn't even include ANY household carbon, because I have no idea what my figures are. Once I can get a handle on that, I'll be sure to go way over 30. Look at my airfare cost! It's beautiful!

Once again, my giant ass carbon footprint stomps all.

The last 3 days I've tried to log in as "anarmofcamp" (my limbs have blogs), "anarrmyofcamp" (the pirate in me), and "anarmyofamp" (for increasing sound volumes). That is all for now.

Normally, I'm all for the self promotion and acquisition of money therein. However, I have decided that my sedentary lifestyle may as well be done for the benefit of others, at least for a month. Therefore, today I registered with World's Greatest Shave. What is it, you may ask?

On March 14th, I will shave my head, and you will donate to the Leukemia foundation of Australia (no idea what their actual name is) because of it. You may do so through personal contact with me, or by going here:

http://my.imisfriendraising.com.au/personalPage.aspx?SID=49891

So do it, now.

Pictures to follow, but not if you fucks give nothing.

200 meters from the bird last time (which was gone in a day before I had the chance to show anyone)... a fucking owl. It looked just like an owl. I have no idea if owls even live here, but I swear to god it was an owl. What the hell is going on with Hambledon road?

I'm considering starting a new blog called ISawItDeadOnTheSideOfTheRoadInAustralia. Dot com. Today's entry would have been a pelican. Or a crane maybe. But probably a pelican. It looked like this:



except laying on the ground and completely owned.

This is weird, because I live inland, here:






My friend Dave reckons it died from being that far from the ocean, and may throw a computer on it tomorrow (long story).

A journal of Australia, six months in

Arriving in Sydney’s Kingsford-Smith International terminal is like awakening from a coma. The last 457 days of your existence has been spent in a dark tube with enough headroom for the inhabitants of the Munchkin Land, with the ever-droning whine of four Boeing 747 engines (for those unfamiliar with airplane noise, find your favorite toddler and deprive them of all their desires for a day, and the noise will be relatively similar ( This is about two pages of awesome... )